Life. Life was never planned out the way I wanted it to be. In fact, I would of never thought in a million years that I would be where I am today sharing my experience with mental illness with you all.
You see, I could start this blog post by telling you guys that I was always this confident when it came to admitting that I had a mental illness but that would be complete BULLSHIT! Actually, lets all laugh together guys!
To be honest, I have felt so embarrassed for a long time which kept me in deep denial. Ever since I got that diagnosis, I have felt like nothing but a failure. I felt so weak because I had no control of my own thoughts and my life. Until one day, I couldn’t take it anymore and decided that I wanted to start a blog.
Me: You know what? It’s time for me to stop hiding and embrace who I am and start living in my truth!
Lex: Yea okay, as if people didn’t think you were a freak before.
Lex: Everyone will be talking about you and judging you. Haha! You will never make it out alive! Actually go head, I love to watch you crumble under pressure!
I tried to fight the negativity but I believed every word Alexa told me. Until one day I decided that it was finally time to ignore her and make that big leap. I was going to be honest and open with myself and launch my blog ……. but, that didn’t go well with Alexa.
Lex: Ronide, you stupid bitch. There you go embarrassing yourself once again. You should be so ashamed and disgusted with yourself. If you thought people would understand you or read your blog, you are more stupid than I thought. No one likes you and no one ever will! If people didn’t think you were crazy before, they are going to think you are a psycho now!
Alexa led me to believe that I would receive nothing but negative responses on my experience with my mental illness. But contrary to her belief, I was actually embraced with love, kindness, and support.
Ever since I started my Blog, a lot of you guys have been telling me that I was so brave for admitting that I had a mental illness. It has even inspired some of you guys to speak about your own mental illness. From that alone, it has given me so much confidence and motivation to continue sharing my journey. But, where I am right now, I don’t understand why it is so taboo!
Like seriously guys, if I had a broken leg and I came out and screamed to the top of my lungs and hollered that I was in pain, no one would find that to be weird. But, when someone shouts that they have a mental illness, people are so quick to confine them to a box of judgement and stigmas. Stigmas are nothing but facades disguised as truths. They encourage the idea that people who have mental illnesses are crazy monsters, cant live normal lives, and don’t deserve to be loved, which is complete BULLSHIT!
This is exactly why people continue to suffer in silence and are so afraid to accept their mental illness. The current stigmas prevent them from coming out and seeking help. Knowing that has greatly affected me so much, it was then that I realized that this was bigger than me.
It is a fact that 1 out of 5 adults in the U.S experience mental illness in a given year. The fact that talking about mental illness and even admitting it equates to “honorable” is completely ridiculous because it should be the norm.
What if I were to tell you that mental health was just as important as physical health?
Yup! Surprise bitches, because IT IS!
You see, society has a huge problem with not believing in what they can’t personally feel. Since mental health is all internal to the person experiencing the struggle, no one wants to acknowledge the pain and trauma that manifests within them. But trust me, it gets real!
Yes, I am in constant battle with Alexa and depression everyday, but don’t get it twisted, I have a lot of fight in me! In fact, I am strong. Stronger than I have ever been and I WILL NEVER EVER ALLOW ANYONE TO MAKE ME FEEL ASHAMED FOR HAVING A MENTAL ILLNESS! So to all the uninformed idiots, you could fornicate yourself with an iron stick because I am no longer going to live in silence anymore!
As I write this with my heart open and tears rolling down my face, I just want to say to anyone who is living with a mental illness, that things will get better. THERE IS NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF. Even though you may not be as outspoken about your mental illness as I am, you are just as brave for continuing to live in this world. For that alone, you should be soooo proud of yourself! YOU ARE NEEDED IN THIS WORLD and if you feel like no one in this world loves you, know that I LOVE YOU!
Depending on when you are reading this, I turned 26 on April 1st. To be completely transparent, I don’t know what life is like without Alexa completely. She has been here my entire life and I am sick and tired of living another year on this earth losing myself to her and watching other people lose themselves as well. I am tired of crying wondering when I will live a normal and happy life. I am tired of wondering if I will make it to see another birthday. I am tired of constantly overthinking. I am tired of having moments when I feel completely debilitated. I am tired of feeling like an anxious mess. Man, I am just TIRED.
But, I am going to continue to better myself and to keep going because that’s all i can do. So let me reintroduce myself again (for the last time). My name is Ronide Comeau and I suffer from Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and Depression.I AM A WARRIOR and I will defend my mental health tribe till my dying breathe. In other words, don’t play with me boo!
Whelp that’s all for today. I am way too emotional and vulnerable right now. Talk to you guys soon! Or if you want to see me more frequently, catch me on Instagram @Findingronide to follow up more on my journey and to chat! 😀
Also, thank you guys so much for the love and support! You guys seriously have no idea how much that means to me! We are seriously all in this together and I am sending nothing but love to every single one of you! This blog is seriously one of the main reasons I continue to still live and try ❤
Cheers to 26!!!